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essay for the STEP-1st-grade test

Had written an esssay the other day then got this corrected one yesterday. Wrote this one within 30minutes like the same situation in the STEP test. Honestly, I'm not a good proofreader, so there are so many easy mistakes especially articles.

Should we save endangered species?

(ORIGINAL)

Some people say that it is important to expand farmland and industry for our life, but others say that animals, especially endangered species should be protected their lives. In my opinion, protecting their lives is more important and it can help our life and environment.
First, animals have close relationship to the environment. In Amazon rain forest, a lot of trees have been logged, so some animals are losing their habitat. If they disappear, it will affect to ecosystem and lead to spread of epidemic. Destroying ecosystem will affect to our lives.
Secondly, extinction of some animals will lead to our food crisis. Almost all animals has close relationship each other, which is called "food chain". If some kinds of animals extinct, other animals which eat them for food may die for lack of food. Food chain is very intricate, and if some species die, it may lead to our food shortage.
In addition, some species affect growing of crops. Flowers can bear fruits by pollens carried by bees and butterflies. Now it is said that one of butterflies are facing extinction. If they disappear, people can not get crops or fruits in the future. Animals can affect our daily foods.
Many animals affect our food and environment. If we lose some of these animals, we may face some serious dangers. People should pay attention and protect these endangered species. (230words)




(NEW)

Some people say that it is important to expand farmland and industry for our life, but others say that animals, especially endangered species should be protected their lives . In my opinion, protecting their lives is more important and it can help our life and environment
First, animals have a close relationship to the environment. In the Amazon rain forest, a lot of trees have been logged, so some animals are losing their habitat. If they disappear, it will affect to the ecosystem and lead to spread of epidemic. Destroying the ecosystem will affect to our lives.
Secondly, extinction of some animals will lead to our food crisis. Almost all animals have a close relationship with each other, which is called "food chain". If some kinds of animals become extinct, other animals which eat them for food may die for lack of food. Food chain is very intricate, and if some species die, it may lead to our food shortage.
In addition, some species affect growing of crops. Flowers can bear fruits by pollens carried by bees and butterflies. Now it is said that one type of butterflies is facing extinction. If they disappear, people can not get crops or fruits in the future. Animals can affect our daily foods.
Many animals affect our food and environment. If we lose some of these animals, we may face some serious dangers. People should pay attention and protect these endangered species
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テーマ:腐女子日記 - ジャンル:日記

15 08-2009 essay Trackback:0Comment:0

Essay:The role of newspaper today

The role of newspaper today

【original】
Some say that newspaper plays an important role because it provides accurate news and information. Others say newspaper is obsolete. I believe that newspaper is facing to end its role in our society.
First, the effect of the Internet has much bigger impact on our life. People can read news on the net for free. On the other hand, we have to pay for newspaper to read. Now many people take it for granted that they can get information for free and do not want to pay it.
Second, there is a big news time lag with newspaper. If there is a big earthquake somewhere, we can check its information within ten minutes or so on the net or TV. However, newspaper is delivered only twice a day at most: in the morning and evening. Early information can save our lives in case of emergency, but newspaper cannot provide timely information for us.
In addition, there is a big problem about paper consumption. We do not use any paper when we are watching TV news, but newspaper needs a lot of paper. Actually, most of the people do not read all pages of it. Many people have begun to see newspaper as a huge waste of paper.
Once newspaper played an important role when people cannot use TV or Internet, but these ones have become most important tools in our life. Newspaper is now ending its role in our society.




【new】
Some say that newspaper plays an important role because it provides accurate news and information. Others say newspaper is obsolete. I believe that newspaper is nearing the facing to end its role in our society.
First, the effect of the Internet has much bigger impact on our life. People can read news on the net for free. On the other hand, we have to pay for newspaper to read. Now many people take it for granted that they can get information for free and do not want to pay it.
Second, there is a big news time lag with newspaper. If there is a big earthquake somewhere, we can check its information within ten minutes or so on the net or TV. However, newspaper is delivered only twice a day at most, in the morning and evening. Early information can save our lives in case of emergency cases, but newspaper cannot provide timely information for us.
In addition, there is a big problem with about paper consumption. We do not use any paper when we are watching TV news, but newspaper needs a lot of paper. Actually, most of the people do not read all the pages of it. Many people have begun to see newspaper as a huge waste of paper.
Once newspaper played an important role, when people could not use the TV or Internet, but these now ones have become the most important tools in our life. Newspaper is now ending its role in our society.

テーマ:頑張れ自分。 - ジャンル:日記

17 09-2009 essay Trackback:0Comment:0

essay; Space exploration

Many people see space exploration as a valuable experiment, but others see it as a huge waste of time. I believe, however, that space exploration has many advantages.
First, space exploration has brought many developments of technology. Weather forecast is one of the technologies now we use. Many satellites have flown in the space and people can acquire more precise information than ever. Almost all people now rely on its information today.
Second, there is an possibility of space tourism. Once it comes true, huge benefits will be brought to tourism industry and others. Over a hundred years ago, no one thought people could fly, but now aircraft have brought huge benefits on our life.
Of course, space exploration costs much. However, now many countries share its costs, technology, and facilities to conduct surveys. Sharing costs is less risky and people can share its benefits, too.
It surely costs much to develop the space, but it has brought some benefits and still there are many possibilities which may our life do better. Space exploration has many advantages to continue.

テーマ:頑張れ自分。 - ジャンル:日記

03 10-2009 essay Trackback:0Comment:0

essay;Compulsory retirement should be abolished?

Compulsory retirement should be abolished?

【original】
In Japan, many companies have adopted compulsory retirement system, but many people would like to work as long as they can. In my opinion, compulsory retirement should be abolished.
Firstly, elderly people have a lot of experiences. In many factories, many elderly people have good experience because they have worked for many years there. As Japan is known for its precise technology such as television sets, and this kind of technology is supported by highly skilled technicians. Companies should hire good technicians as long as they can work.
Secondly, elderly people can not receive enough pensions. Some retired people receive their pensions at the age of sixty, but others receive it at sixty years old, which is decided by the low in Japan. Most of the office workers have to retire when they become sixty years old, thus some of them have to wait five years to receive pensions. Companies should hire employees till they can receive their pensions.
Lastly, many elderly people still have good motivation to work. They still want to work even though they have become sixty years old or more. In the U.S., many people in their sixties or seventies are still working at companies. Many Japanese companies should hire elderly people more.
In conclusion, elderly people have good experience and motivation, but have to wait for years to receive their pensions. I believe that compulsory retirement should be abolished.





【corrected】
In Japan, many companies have adopted a compulsory retirement system, but many people would like to work as long as they can. In my opinion, compulsory retirement should be abolished.
Firstly, elderly people have a lot of experience s . In many factories, many elderly people have good experience because they have worked for many years there. As Japan is known for its precise technology such as television sets, and this kind of technology is supported by highly skilled technicians , companies should hire good technicians as long as they can work.
Secondly, elderly people can not receive enough money from their pension s . Some retired people receive their pension s at the age of sixty , but others receive it at sixty years old, which is decided by the law in Japan. Most of the office workers have to retire when they become sixty years old, thus some of them have to wait five years to receive their pension s . Companies should hire employees till they can receive their pensions.
Lastly, many elderly people still have good motivation to work. They still want to work even though they have become sixty years old or more. In the U.S., many people in their sixties or seventies are still working at companies. Many Japanese companies should hire elderly people more.
In conclusion, elderly people have good experience and motivation, but have to wait for years to receive their pensions. I believe that compulsory retirement should be abolished.

テーマ:頑張れ自分。 - ジャンル:日記

04 10-2009 essay Trackback:0Comment:0

essay; Agree or disagree: The Internet should be subject to censorship

Agree or disagree: The Internet should be subject to censorship

【original】
Under the Japanese constitution, everyone has right to write and speak anything freely. I believe, however, that some authorities should censor the Internet in today’s society.
Firstly, censorship can protect us from Internet fraud. Now many people use online-shopping and auction sites, but some of them have experience of being cheated. Their ways of cheating have become more complicated and it is difficult to protect us from these crimes. Some specific censorship should be applied to solve this problem.
Secondly, there are many illegal pornography on the net. People can easily upload this kind of photos and sell or buy them on the Internet. In Japan, a lot of illegal pornography has been circulating on the net, but there is few effective law to regulate it. It is about time to enact a strict law for these illegal photos.
Lastly, it has become necessary to prevent children from harassment on the net. It is reported that some students have committed suicide due to the bullying on the net. Now young children or students can easily access to the net, so it is important for them to be protected from these dangerous and harmful information.
In conclusion, there are dangerous and criminal information on the net, though there is not a effective protection for it. I believe that the Internet should be censored by the organization.




This one also is to be corrected within a couple of days.

テーマ:頑張れ自分。 - ジャンル:日記

05 10-2009 essay Trackback:0Comment:0
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